
Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s Divisional Round.
Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s Divisional Round.
Jaguars: Expect Chiefs coach Andy Reid to have something special up his sleeve for this game. Unfortunately, that will just be a dozen hot dogs.
Zay Jones: The Jags wide receiver has the field awareness needed to witness numerous Trevor Lawrence interceptions.
Josh Allen: This could be a perfect opportunity for the pass rusher to pick up a loose quarterback on the ground and return it for a touchdown.
Patrick Mahomes: Kansas City’s star QB is expected to have his best State Farm commercial yet.
Chris Jones: Expect the massive defensive tackle to struggle to make it out of the Jaguars’ backfield.
Eagles: Jalen Hurts and the Eagles have what it takes to bring a small dollop of joy to Philadelphia citizens’ otherwise bleak, empty lives.
Daniel Jones: The quarterback has a bright future with his next team.
Dexter Lawrence: The Giants colossal nose tackle will rely on his flexibility and athleticism, which allow him to change direction at least once per game.
Jason Kelce: The Eagles’ Pro Bowl center is reportedly practicing a knuckleball hike
Ndamukong Suh: Though playing as a backup, the veteran Suh is hoping he still has a few more dirty plays left in him.
Bengals: After Week 17’s suspended matchup, Cincinnati will be eager to get revenge on Damar Hamlin.
Joe Burrow: Pretty much just needs to go out there and not throw 20 picks to go down as the best quarterback in Bengals history.
Eli Apple: The feisty cornerback will do whatever it takes to be dragged into the end zone while clinging to Josh Allen’s back.
Stefon Diggs: Buffalo’s wideout has shown the ability to make seemingly impossible catches, rending the delicate fabric of our so-called “reality” and plunging NFL fans into a horrid abyss of unfathomable madness.
Tremaine Edmunds: The middle linebacker is the heart and soul and lower intestine and trachea and stapes bone of the Bills defense.
49ers: San Francisco has better defenders, a more explosive offense, and it’s just really gratifying to see Jerry Jones absolutely fucking miserable.
Dak Prescott: He has the kind of arm that can ruin the hopes and dreams of any Cowboys fan.
Micah Parsons: Keep a close eye on the Dallas linebacker, who is a dual threat as a pass rusher and a player who can turn completely invisible for multiple quarters.
Brock Purdy: Luckily for San Francisco, Brock Purdy has zero professional experience with losing and barely comprehends the concept of defeat.
Nick Bosa: Expect Bosa to come out strong on every play in order to sack Dak Prescott before he has the chance to throw a pick.