Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games.
Falcons at Panthers
Panthers: P.J. Walker will have to put together a dominant performance if, for some reason, he wants to remain Carolina’s starting quarterback.
Seahawks at Buccaneers
Buccaneers: Tampa will be lucky to leave the game in Munich, Germany with a victory and zero players giving Nazi salutes.
Vikings at Bills
Bills: Analysts are calling this Stefon Diggs’ revenge game, although it’s unclear why he’d want revenge against an organization that traded him to a much better team.
Lions at Bears
Bears: Expect Justin Fields to rely on his feet, picking up the ball with his toes, and launching it downfield for several touchdown strikes.
Jaguars at Chiefs
Chiefs: Expect Kansas City to give Patrick Mahomes a break after throwing the ball 68 times last week by establishing the run for one play.
Browns at Dolphins
Dolphins: Tua Tagovailoa continues to look impressive when having a hallucinated conversation with Theodore Roosevelt on the sidelines.
Texans at Giants
Giants: Houston has struggled to compete on the road, at home, and in training camp scrimmages.
Saints at Steelers
Steelers: Expect the Steelers to rally behind an energized Pittsburgh fan base that never has to watch a fucking Dr. Oz ad ever again.
Broncos at Titans
Titans: After facing the Titans’ aggressive defense, the Broncos will be offering a high draft pick to any team willing to scrape Russell Wilson off the field.
Colts at Raiders
Raiders: According to Onion Sports’ highly accurate simulation software, new Indianapolis head coach Jeff Saturday will be replaced by Happy Days actor Don Most in week 14.
Cowboys at Packers
Cowboys: Experts are already laying even odds that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers will storm into the visiting owner’s box at halftime and attempt to unmask Jerry Jones as a lizard person.
Cardinals at Rams
Cardinals: Onion Sports guest expert Colin Cowherd picked the Cardinals at least that’s what it sounded like, hard to tell, because the basement’s acoustics aren’t great and his voice was somewhat muffled by the ball gag.
Chargers at 49ers
Chargers or 49ers: Both these teams are going to want to run the ball. Wow, it must be nice to have a strong desire for anything.
Commanders at Eagles
Eagles: Washington will have difficulty playing in front of a hostile crowd consisting of a slightly different type of racists than they’re used to.