Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s week 11 games.
Titans at Packers
Packers: This is Aaron Rodgers’ chance to prove he can still complain under pressure.
Bears at Falcons
Falcons: This game may very well determine which team gets to squander the first three years of Jalen Carter’s professional football career.
Panthers at Ravens
Ravens: Expect a close-fought matchup between various semiliterate drunks in the stands.
Browns at Bills
Bills: The Bills should be able to get into the driver’s seat in this game if their fans are able to drink 100,000 beers by halftime.
Eagles at Colts
Eagles: Philadelphia will find a way to counter whatever plays Jeff Saturday steals from Madden between now and the game.
Jets at Patriots
Jets: New England has looked impressive between 2000 and 2019.
Rams at Saints
Saints: With prima donna wide receiver Cooper Kupp quitting on the team last week and threatening to sit out until his ankle injury heals, the Rams may struggle.
Commanders at Texans
Commanders: Expect the Texans’ overwhelmed offensive line to lack answers for Washington’s fierce pass rushers’ questions, such as, “May I sack the quarterback?”
Lions at Giants
FanDuel: FanDuel is going to make a shitload of money off this game.
Raiders at Broncos
Broncos: A desperate Josh McDaniels needs to figure out new, exciting ways to fail.
Bengals at Steelers
Steelers: The Bengals’ offensive line will finally slow down T.J. Watt by throwing Joe Burrow directly into the path of the pass rusher.
Cowboys at Vikings
Vikings: The Cowboys secondary will rely on their speed and agility while quickly turning their heads to watch Justin Jefferson run into the end zone.
Chiefs at Chargers
Chiefs: The Onion’s state-of-the-art algorithm discovered through a Google search that Kansas City is favored in this game. This thing cost like $8 billion, so we have to go with whatever it says.
49ers at Cardinals
Cardinals: This will actually be a home game for both teams, as the 49ers have moved into State Farm Stadium after being priced out of San Francisco.