Onion Sports’ NFL Week 18 Picks

Chiefs: This is Raiders coach Josh McDaniels’ best chance to prove that he’s worth keeping around for two thirds of another season.

Titans: Tennessee needs to give the ball to Derek Henry and have him go straight to the locker room to wait for time to expire.

Falcons: This week is a great opportunity for the Buccaneers to give Tom Brady some rest and have Blaine Gabbert take quality reps co-parenting with Gisele Bündchen.

Bills: Mac Jones will show that he’s a dual threat by throwing several incompletions and interceptions.

Bears: Expect the Vikings to rest key players so that the team is relaxed and healthy for their Wildcard Weekend ass-kicking.

Bengals: As Baltimore and Cincinnati have guaranteed playoff spots at this point, expect both teams to allow their second- and third-stringers to take the field and suffer life-altering injuries.

Colts: As these anemic offenses stumble into the final game of the season, oddsmakers anticipate that Houston and Indianapolis could combine to score as many as eight points.

Dolphins: The Dolphins have been hard at work drawing up plays that cater to each of their quarterbacks’ different ways of getting injured.

Saints: This is a meaningless game, as both teams have been eliminated from playoff contention for the next four seasons.

Browns: Pittsburgh fans will watch Cleveland with envy and think back to the glory days when the Steelers had one of the NFL’s all-time best sexual predators.

Chargers: Another humiliating loss will be made all the worse once Denver fans learn that Russell Wilson has been signed to an 11-year, $2.4 billion contract extension.

Eagles: Expect the Giants to use this game as a warm-up loss for the playoffs.

49ers: Arizona’s injury-ravaged defense will be no match for San Francisco’s injury-ravaged offense.

Seahawks: With their season on the line, can the Rams win this game nine times to propel themselves into the playoffs?

Cowboys: Ron Rivera has lately come under criticism for not being aware that he coaches a football team.

Packers: Green Bay’s victory will be tarnished as Aaron Rodgers discovers a vast conspiracy inside the Packers franchise to run the football.