Illustration for article titled Online Activists Unsure About Offensiveness Of Article, Figure They’ll Destroy Author’s Life Just In Case

SEATTLE—Figuring it was the best way to hedge their bets, online activists reportedly unsure about the offensiveness of an article Wednesday figured they’d destroy the author’s life just in case. “Reading this piece, there are quite a few challenging viewpoints that I haven’t quite thought through, but it’s probably best to cover my bases and make sure this writer never works again,” said David Morrison who, along with his online peers, resolved to release the journalist’s address, phone number, and the names of his family members just to be safe. “Honestly, I only read the first couple paragraphs, but it’s probably better to err on the side of caution when it comes to potentially controversial views like this and just make his life a nightmare for the foreseeable future.” At press time, Morrison decided it also couldn’t hurt to throw in a few death threats.

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