SAN DIEGO—Touting its wide range of financially ruinous academic programs that can be tailored to meet anyone’s scheduling needs, officials at Enterprise College announced Monday that the online institution is committed to letting students amass a crippling amount of debt at their own individual pace. “Even if you work full-time and are busy raising a family, Enterprise College’s flexible courses make it easy to get back to school and take out enough student loans to completely devastate your personal finances for years to come,” said spokesperson Kerri Williams, describing how the for-profit college accommodates those who prefer to rack up their overwhelming debt a few thousand dollars at a time as well as those who would rather just plunge $30,000 into the red in two short years. “At Enterprise College, you can take as long as you need to acquire your impossible-to-shoulder burden, and with more than 180 degrees offered completely online, it’s easier than ever to slip into complete destitution from the comfort of your own home.” Williams went on to state that regardless of the rate at which students accumulate debt, the sooner they enroll, the sooner they can begin defaulting on their loans and having their wages garnished by the government.

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