Only Tree In Class Sick Of Always Having To Explain Arbor Day

Illustration for article titled Only Tree In Class Sick Of Always Having To Explain Arbor Day

ROCHESTER, NY—Already feeling singled out by being the only one in class with leaves, branches, and a trunk, a walnut sapling confirmed this week it was sick of always having to explain Arbor Day at school. “I get it, I grew up in the forest, but why don’t any of the other kids have to stand at the front of the room and give a little speech about their holidays,” said the tree, adding that even though it was raised deciduous, it didn’t even really know much about the holiday’s traditions and history. “It’s just so annoying. Every time the teacher brings up spring, conservation, or anything to do with deforestation, everybody in class turns and looks at me. It’s bad enough that everyone thinks I’m weird for eating carbon dioxide and photosynthesizing at lunch, but having to explain the origins of the National Forest Foundation takes it to another level.” At press time, the tree instinctively bristled when the teacher then asked the only pastry in class to explain National Doughnut Day.