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Roundtable Commentary American Voices

Image for Should Joe Biden Run Again?

Should Joe Biden Run Again?

As the oldest commander-in-chief in the history of our republic, the current president’s age demands a vigorous discussion to settle the question: Should President Joseph R. Biden run again?

Image for Do Your Worst To Me, But I’ll Never Tell You Bastards Whether I Think Biden Should Run In 2024

Do Your Worst To Me, But I’ll Never Tell You Bastards Whether I Think Biden Should Run In 2024

By Heath Williams

Image for American Presidents Serve 4-Year Terms

American Presidents Serve 4-Year Terms

Image for It’s Ageist To Suggest A Corpse Can’t Be A Great Leader

It’s Ageist To Suggest A Corpse Can’t Be A Great Leader

Image for Biden Wants To Be President Later, But He’s Already President Now? Can’t Have It Both Ways, Mr. President

Biden Wants To Be President Later, But He’s Already President Now? Can’t Have It Both Ways, Mr. President

Image for I Mean, Sure, Who Gives A Shit?

I Mean, Sure, Who Gives A Shit?

By Barack Obama

Image for Joe Biden Is Much Too Old, Unlike Me, A Person Who Is Incredibly Youthful, Marketable, And Available For Freelance Gigs And TV Appearances

Joe Biden Is Much Too Old, Unlike Me, A Person Who Is Incredibly Youthful, Marketable, And Available For Freelance Gigs And TV Appearances

Image for Okay, Don’t Tell Anyone I Told You This, But I Have A Friend Who Works At The White House And She Said That Biden’s Literally Not Nice In Real Life At All

Okay, Don’t Tell Anyone I Told You This, But I Have A Friend Who Works At The White House And She Said That Biden’s Literally Not Nice In Real Life At All

Image for Joe Biden Deserves 4 More Years Of Making My Centrist Baby Boomer Pussy Sopping Wet

Joe Biden Deserves 4 More Years Of Making My Centrist Baby Boomer Pussy Sopping Wet

More

Image for Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

With policies to help improve employment or educational opportunities for underrepresented groups coming under fire, The Onion asked parents to explain how affirmative action has destroyed their children’s future.

Image for Is It Just Me, Or Do The Sex Dreams About Santa Start Earlier And Earlier Each Year?

Is It Just Me, Or Do The Sex Dreams About Santa Start Earlier And Earlier Each Year?

By Derek Ralphs

Image for N-Word Use On Twitter Jumps 500% After Elon Musk Takeover

N-Word Use On Twitter Jumps 500% After Elon Musk Takeover

Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover sparked a surge in the usage of racial epithets on the social media platform, with the N-word increasing by nearly 500% in 12 hours by Twitter trolls “celebrating” the site’s purchase by the “free speech absolutist.”…

Image for Conservatives Explain Why They Are Terrified Of New York City

Conservatives Explain Why They Are Terrified Of New York City

The Onion asked conservatives why they fear the fetid hellhole that is the five boroughs of New York City, and this is what they said.

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Most Viral TikTok Compilation

Thanksgiving Fact: Did You Know?

This Is An Unauthorized, Non-Paid Advertisement For Country Crock

Things You Should Never Say To A Flight Attendant

Things Gen Z Hates About Millennials

Cartoons

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Little Bummer Boy

Image for When Hairy Met Sally

When Hairy Met Sally

Image for The Onion Mourns The Passing Of Gallagher

The Onion Mourns The Passing Of Gallagher

Image for A Real Ship Show

A Real Ship Show

Commentary

Image for I’d Probably Do Fine In Prison Because I Get Along With Everybody

I’d Probably Do Fine In Prison Because I Get Along With Everybody

By Jake Wilson

Image for Is It Just Me, Or Do The Sex Dreams About Santa Start Earlier And Earlier Each Year?

Is It Just Me, Or Do The Sex Dreams About Santa Start Earlier And Earlier Each Year?

Image for This Isn’t Goodbye, It’s See You In A Few Seconds

This Isn’t Goodbye, It’s See You In A Few Seconds

Image for Point/Counterpoint: President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6 vs. Mike Pence Was Wrong To Say President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6

Point/Counterpoint

Point/Counterpoint: President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6 vs. Mike Pence Was Wrong To Say President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6

Slideshow

Image for What To Say To Someone Who Is Saving Themselves For Marriage

What To Say To Someone Who Is Saving Themselves For Marriage

Image for Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

Image for Conservatives Explain Why They Are Terrified Of New York City

Conservatives Explain Why They Are Terrified Of New York City

American Voices

Image for Hakeem Jeffries Elected To House Democratic Leader In Historic First

American Voices

Hakeem Jeffries Elected To House Democratic Leader In Historic First

House Democrats chose caucus chair Hakeem Jeffries of New York to succeed Nancy Pelosi as leader of the Democrats in the chamber next year, a historic move that will make him the first Black person to lead one of the two major parties in either…

Image for Biden’s Secret Service Rental Cars Burst Into Flames At Nantucket Airport

American Voices

Biden’s Secret Service Rental Cars Burst Into Flames At Nantucket Airport

Image for Balenciaga Under Fire For BDSM Teddy Bear Campaign

American Voices

Balenciaga Under Fire For BDSM Teddy Bear Campaign

Image for Trump Hosts Kanye West, White Nationalist Holocaust Denier At Mar-A-Lago

American Voices

Trump Hosts Kanye West, White Nationalist Holocaust Denier At Mar-A-Lago

Ask the Experts

Image for Ask A Nobleman Attempting To Secure A Husband For His Least-Marriageable Daughter

Ask the Experts

Ask A Nobleman Attempting To Secure A Husband For His Least-Marriageable Daughter

Dear Nobleman Attempting To Secure A Husband For His Least-Marriageable Daughter,

Image for Ask Cover Letters For An Entry-Level Social Media Position At ‘Field & Stream’ Magazine

Ask the Experts

Ask Cover Letters For An Entry-Level Social Media Position At ‘Field & Stream’ Magazine

Image for Ask A Boyfriend Who Just Might Dig Himself Out Of Trouble If He Plays This Perfectly

Ask the Experts

Ask A Boyfriend Who Just Might Dig Himself Out Of Trouble If He Plays This Perfectly

Image for Ask A Closeted Homosexual Riverboat Captain

Ask the Experts

Ask A Closeted Homosexual Riverboat Captain

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