Opinion - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

The latest news from The Onion's Opinion coverage all in one place and updated daily.

American Voices

One Out Of Every 500 Americans Have Died From Covid Since Beginning Of Pandemic

One Out Of Every 500 Americans Have Died From Covid Since Beginning Of Pandemic

Taco Bell Testing Monthly Subscription Service

Taco Bell Testing Monthly Subscription Service

California Governor Gavin Newsom Survives Recall Vote

California Governor Gavin Newsom Survives Recall Vote

Cartoons

Back To Cruel

Back To Cruel

TestosteRuin

TestosteRuin

The Renew Frontier

The Renew Frontier

Commentary

I Am Still In The Car (By Prince Philip)

I Am Still In The Car (By Prince Philip)

Welfare Check

Welfare Check

‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories

‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories

Onion Tips

Tips For Dating During Social Distancing

Tips For Dating During Social Distancing

Tips For Enduring Long Airport Layovers

Tips For Enduring Long Airport Layovers

The Onion's Tips For Finding An Apartment

The Onion's Tips For Finding An Apartment

Social Story

Tips For Getting Unsafe Elderly Drivers Off The Road<em></em>

Tips For Getting Unsafe Elderly Drivers Off The Road

Whole Body

Try This Military Workout To Get You Fit And Ready To Take A Bullet For Your Child<em></em>

Try This Military Workout To Get You Fit And Ready To Take A Bullet For Your Child

How To Get Your Picky Toddler To Finish All Of Their Foie Gras<em></em>

How To Get Your Picky Toddler To Finish All Of Their Foie Gras

Why Foie Gras Should Be A Staple Of Your Child’s Daily Diet<em></em>

Why Foie Gras Should Be A Staple Of Your Child’s Daily Diet

Onion Explains

How An Epidemic Spreads<em></em>

How An Epidemic Spreads

How Hurricanes Form

How Hurricanes Form

How To Survive A Nuclear Attack

How To Survive A Nuclear Attack

Insights

How To Talk To A Family Member About Politics And Also The Fact That Their New Jewelry Business Is A Pyramid Scheme<em></em>

How To Talk To A Family Member About Politics And Also The Fact That Their New Jewelry Business Is A Pyramid Scheme

How Much Credit Does The Sitting President Deserve For The Tides?<em></em>

How Much Credit Does The Sitting President Deserve For The Tides?

How Do Self-Driving Cars Avoid Driving Straight To The Beach?

How Do Self-Driving Cars Avoid Driving Straight To The Beach?

Ask the Experts

Ask A Nobleman Attempting To Secure A Husband For His Least-Marriageable Daughter

Ask A Nobleman Attempting To Secure A Husband For His Least-Marriageable Daughter

Ask Cover Letters For An Entry-Level Social Media Position At ‘Field & Stream’ Magazine

Ask Cover Letters For An Entry-Level Social Media Position At ‘Field & Stream’ Magazine

Ask A Boyfriend Who Just Might Dig Himself Out Of Trouble If He Plays This Perfectly

Ask A Boyfriend Who Just Might Dig Himself Out Of Trouble If He Plays This Perfectly

Parenting

The Seven Male Role Models Every Child Needs For A Healthy Upbringing

The Seven Male Role Models Every Child Needs For A Healthy Upbringing

How To Successfully Sue Other Moms Who Steal Your Parenting Tricks

How To Successfully Sue Other Moms Who Steal Your Parenting Tricks

Baby-Naming Tips For New Moms

Baby-Naming Tips For New Moms

Behind the Pen

Behind The Pen: Reading, Writing and Robbery

Behind The Pen: Reading, Writing and Robbery

Behind The Pen: 'High' Ideals

Behind The Pen: 'High' Ideals

Behind The Pen: Nanny State, Ninny State

Behind The Pen: Nanny State, Ninny State

Fan on the Street

On Peyton Manning Going To The Broncos

On Jennifer Capriati's 1994 Arrest For Marijuana Possession

On Ken Griffey, Jr. Retiring

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