OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryI Decided To Become A Slave So One Day My Descendants Could Steal College Admissions SpotsBy Cicero ThompsonPublishedJune 29, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryAlso, I Shouldn’t Have To Disclose That I Had Sex With A SalmonBy Samuel AlitoPublishedJune 22, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryIf Pigs Are So Smart, Why Won’t They Debate Me?By Charles StewartPublishedMay 19, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryAmerica Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live ThereBy Dianne FeinsteinPublishedMay 12, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryWe Are Post-Pandemic. We Are Immortal. Those Still Alive Cannot Die.By Dr. Anthony FauciPublishedMay 4, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryWhat I Got Right About The Iraq WarBy Dick CheneyPublishedMarch 21, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryI Am No Longer A Feminist After Watching Some YouTube VideosBy Malala YousafzaiPublishedMarch 8, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryThe Misogyny Interwoven Into Our Patriarchal Society Harms Men, TooBy Andrew TatePublishedMarch 8, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryWe Need A Woman On Top Of The White HouseBy Erica NelsonPublishedMarch 8, 2023
OpinionCommentaryEditorialOpinionCommentaryEditorialIt Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As PossibleThe task of reporting is not a simple one. Each and every day, reporters and editors at publications like The Onion…PublishedFebruary 17, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryOne Time I Was In England And I Was A Prince And My Mom Was Diana And She Died And My Family Is Mean And My Wife Is Brown And I’m Sorry I Wore A NaziBy Prince HarryPublishedJanuary 13, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryShrugs, Not HugsA Room Of Jean’s Own — By Jean TeasdalePublishedJanuary 12, 2023
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryHo, Ho, Ho, A Cabal Of Elite Pedophiles Is Trying To Kill Me!By Santa ClausPublishedDecember 21, 2022
OpinionCommentaryEditorialOpinionCommentaryEditorial‘The Onion’ Has Accidentally Locked Ourselves Out Of Our Office In Solidarity With Striking ‘New York Times’ WorkersToday, reporters and editors of The New York Times began a one-day strike, as negotiations between their union and…PublishedDecember 8, 2022
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryI’d Probably Do Fine In Prison Because I Get Along With EverybodyBy Jake WilsonPublishedNovember 10, 2022
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryIs It Just Me, Or Do The Sex Dreams About Santa Start Earlier And Earlier Each Year?By Derek RalphsPublishedOctober 27, 2022
OpinionCommentaryOpinionCommentaryThis Isn’t Goodbye, It’s See You In A Few SecondsBy An Oscillating FanPublishedJuly 27, 2022
OpinionCommentaryPoint/CounterpointOpinionCommentaryPoint/CounterpointPoint/Counterpoint: President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6 vs. Mike Pence Was Wrong To Say President Trump Went Too Far On Jan. 6On Jan. 6, 2020, President Trump attempted to change the course of U.S. history forever. Rather than accept a loss,…PublishedJune 17, 2022