FRIDAY HARBOR, WA—Saying that the unusual behavior was in fact a natural expression of the animal’s relationship to both its dead kin and its social environment, experts at the Center for Whale Research held a dockside press conference Monday to confirm that the orca who carried around her dead calf for two weeks did so as a warning to all who would defy her. “This is clearly an expression of the orca’s implacable will and physical power, though it is something even field researchers don’t see very often, as orcas tend to be extremely private concerning their desire for swift and bloody vengeance,” said marine biologist Julia Reyes, who noted the dead orca calf had most likely disrespected the authority of the mother whale and paid the ultimate price for its insolence. “We often witness orca mothers exhibiting ‘don’t fuck with me’ behavior, but this may be the first time an orca has made this attitude visible to human beings. She may be sending a message that, if we don’t comport ourselves correctly, we too will be dragged around the ocean for a couple weeks, just like her presumably smartassed calf. It’s absolutely incredible to behold.” Moments after Reyes’ statement, the orca breached the surface of the ocean behind Reyes and dragged her screaming and bleeding beneath the waves in response to the researcher’s remarks.

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