Our Annual Year: Best Of May

Showerhead Self-Conscious About Single Jet That Sprays Sideways

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Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now

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Liberal Relieved He Never Has To Introspect Again After Assembling All The Correct Opinions

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Car Ride Devoted To Explaining What Things Will Be Different About Grandma This Visit

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Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect

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Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him

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Alabama Governor Signs New ‘Heartbeat Bill’ Lowering State’s Age Of Consent

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Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being

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Deutsche Bank Begins Removing Possessions From White House After Trump Defaults On Loan

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Diners Eating Impossible Burgers Doused With Beet Juice By Protesting Meat-Rights Activists

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Trump Reassures Struggling Farmers He Has Never Seen One Of Them And Cannot Be Sure They Even Exist

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World Populace Actually Fine With Rich People Dying On Mount Everest

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Queen Elizabeth Disappointed In New Royal Baby Boy’s Lack Of Proper Inbreeding

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Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve

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Stanford Students Admit It Was Pretty Obvious Billionaire’s Dog Didn’t Get In By Itself

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