Our Annual Year: Best Of October

Man Who Constantly Brags About How Great He Is At Oral Tragically Good At It

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Dog Takes Pilgrimage To Holy Site Where It Once Found Rotisserie Chicken On Side Of Road

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Middle School Boy Assumes Crush Staring Into His Eyes During Slow Dance Waiting For Him To Make Fart Noises With Hands

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Man Lowers Carbon Footprint By Bringing Reusable Bags Every Time He Buys Gas

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GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn

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Trump Cancels White House Subscription To ‘Highlights’ Over Anti-Goofus Bias

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‘They Can’t Arrest Both Of Us,’ Says Giuliani Handcuffing Himself To Times Square Pikachu

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Bernie Sanders Holds Secret Campaign Meeting With 15,000 Working-Class Democratic Donors

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New Patriotic Gatorade Ad Shows Terrorists Being Waterboarded With Gatorade

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‘Are You The Whistleblower?’ Trump Boys Ask White House Janitor After Giving Him Serum Of All The Sodas Mixed Together

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Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately

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Nation’s Top Pseudoscientists Harness High-Energy Quartz Crystal Capable Of Reversing Effects Of Being Gemini

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PG&E Makes Amends For Power Outages By Pumping Wires Full Of So Much Electricity That Plugging In Lamp Will Kill You

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‘So People Could Be Listening To This Conversation Right Now?’ Asks Joe Rogan Trying To Understand Edward Snowden’s Explanation Of Surveillance

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Study Finds Medical Marijuana Effective For Treating Long-Term Pain Over Jerry Garcia’s Death

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