Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2012

Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2012

All Of Area Man’s Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer

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Capitol Building Haunted By Spirit Of Killed Piece Of Legislation

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Dry Humping An Adequate Sex Alternative For Teens, Says Weird, Unsolicited Report From Department Of Interior

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Supreme Court Overturns ‘Right v. Wrong’

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Scientists: ‘Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?’

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New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

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Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating The Living Shit Out Of Each Other

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Exhausted Sweatshop Worker Just Has To Laugh After Sewing Fingers Together

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Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To

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Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed

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NASA Announces Plans To Put Man On Bus To Cleveland

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Ahmadinejad Kind Of Getting Back Into Old R.E.M. Again

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Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter

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Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation’s Poets Report

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Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd

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Report: Dad Proud Of You; He Won’t Say It, But It’s True

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Donald Trump Stares Forlornly At Tiny, Aged Penis In Mirror Before Putting On Clothes, Beginning Day

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Woman, Gay Best Friend Go On Another One Of Their Little Adventures

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New Study Finds 85% Of Americans Don’t Know All The Dance Moves To National Anthem

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‘You Will Die Someday And It Will Be Sad,’ All Man Thinking During Dinner With Parents

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Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich

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Report: 2012 Election Likely To Be Decided By 4 Or 5 Key Swing Corporations

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Popeye’s Home Boiglerized

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Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate

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College Newspaper Endorses Barack Obama

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GOP Convention To Feature Strong Lineup Of Conservative Women Listeners

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Bill Clinton Finally Just Shows America His Penis

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Blissful Ignorance Commemorated On Annual 9/10 Anniversary

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No One Murdered Because Of This Image

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Munchstrosity Created In Frito-Layboratory

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Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early

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Newly Unemployed Woman Enjoys Equal Pay For First Time In Career

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Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer

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Biden Implores Obama To ‘Rub One Out’ Before Debate

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Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

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Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

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Horrible Boogie Boarding Accident Leaves Man Totally Bummed Below The Neck

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Thriving ‘Onion’ Puts Another Print Edition Out Of Business

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Cactus Scientists Recommend Drinking 8 Cups Of Water Per Year

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Pakistani Boy, U.S. Drone Form Unlikely Friendship

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Defeated Man Victorious

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Man Googles Matt Damon’s Address Because, Well, He’s Crazy And Wants To Kill Him

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Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive For 2012

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Nation’s Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday’s Thanksgiving Debates

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42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record

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Taylor Swift Apparently Now Dating ‘Garfield’ Creator Jim Davis

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Mumford And Sons Can’t Believe They All Got Each Other Mandolins For Christmas

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Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

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