Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2015

Supreme Court Releases Young Scalia’s Audition Tape

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Government Admits It Was Only Behind Destruction Of North Tower

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HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related

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Woman’s Parents Accepting Of Mixed-Attractiveness Relationship

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Area Man Willing To Give Up Any Of Muslims’ Rights Necessary To Feel Safe

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Lonesome Alito Declares Marriage Only Between A Man And The Sea

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Chicago Introduces New Citywide Gun-Sharing Stations

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Chinese Officials Vow To Fix Nation’s Crumbling Reeducation System

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Bill Belichick Credits Victory To His God

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Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW Owner Struggle In Snow

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Company To Experiment With Valuing Employees

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Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

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Local Teen Would Choose Gun With Night Vision Laser Scope If He Joined Army

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‘You Are Not Your Job,’ Obama Reminds Himself Throughout Shower

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Teacher Who Dedicates Life To Students Total Fucking Bitch

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Report: Middle East Quickly Running Out Of Land Area For Violence To Spill Over To

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Loyal Senator Still Lying Patiently In Spot Where Beloved Bill Died

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Report: Whites More Likely To Be Named CEOs Than Equally Sociopathic Black Candidates

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Older Prostitute Explains To Younger Prostitute Who Richard Belzer Is, What He Expects

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Man Always Carries Gun In Case He Needs To Escalate Situation

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Oh God, Teacher Arranged Desks In Giant Circle

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Report: White House Officials Deliberately Hid FDR’s Mechanical Spider Legs From Public

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Pigeon That Flew Down Into Subway Going To Need All His Wits To Get Out Of This One

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Experts Say Best Option Now Is Keeping Nation As Comfortable As Possible Till End

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Report: San Francisco To Shut Doors Over Rising Rent

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Serial Killer Admits He’s Lost Track Of Pattern He Was Going For Originally

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Box With Cooking Instructions Immediately Retrieved From Trash

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Obama Practices Defiant Speech To Aliens Late At Night Behind Oval Office Desk

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New Seaworld Show Just Elephant Drowning In Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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I Am Fun — By Hillary Clinton

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Customer Who Declined Initial Offer Of Assistance Comes Crawling Back

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Study Finds Controlled Washington, D.C. Wildfires Crucial For Restoring Healthy Political Environment

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Roger Goodell Quietly Says Goodnight To Hallway Of NFL Greats’ Chemically Preserved Bodies

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Relationship Experts Recommend Single Women Try Bathing In Open Stream Until Suitor Glimpses Them Through Trees

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Nation Satisfied As Selena Gomez Completes Transition Into Sexualized Plaything

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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