Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2017

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Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2017

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Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison

Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison

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SeaWorld Café Introduces New 5-Pound Orca Burger–Eating Challenge

SeaWorld Café Introduces New 5-Pound Orca Burger–Eating Challenge

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You People Made Me Give Up My Peanut Farm — By Jimmy Carter

You People Made Me Give Up My Peanut Farm — By Jimmy Carter

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Explanation Of Board Game Rules Peppered With Assurances It Will Be Fun

Explanation Of Board Game Rules Peppered With Assurances It Will Be Fun

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Nation’s Stomach Ulcers Predict Trump Administration Will Provide Opportunities For Unlimited Growth In 2017

Nation’s Stomach Ulcers Predict Trump Administration Will Provide Opportunities For Unlimited Growth In 2017

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Prison Now Allowing Death Row Inmates To Receive Weekly Visitors Throughout Executions

Prison Now Allowing Death Row Inmates To Receive Weekly Visitors Throughout Executions

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Roger Goodell Lays Wreath At National Football League Cemetery In Super Bowl Tradition

Roger Goodell Lays Wreath At National Football League Cemetery In Super Bowl Tradition

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

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87% Of Loud Crashing Noises Are Nothing, Report Top Experts From Other Room

87% Of Loud Crashing Noises Are Nothing, Report Top Experts From Other Room

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Completely Sober Employee Still Embarrassing Self At Company Party

Completely Sober Employee Still Embarrassing Self At Company Party

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Man’s Genetic Predisposition For Heart Disease No Match For 10 Half-Assed Push-Ups He Does Couple Times A Week

Man’s Genetic Predisposition For Heart Disease No Match For 10 Half-Assed Push-Ups He Does Couple Times A Week

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Report: You To Learn Names Of 3 Reprehensible Public Officials This Week

Report: You To Learn Names Of 3 Reprehensible Public Officials This Week

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Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives

Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives

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Sweating, Shaking Pharmaceutical CEO Says He Can Stop Profiting Off Opioid Epidemic Anytime He Wants

Sweating, Shaking Pharmaceutical CEO Says He Can Stop Profiting Off Opioid Epidemic Anytime He Wants

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Mom Locked In Infinite Loop Of Purchasing, Returning Items From Lord & Taylor

Mom Locked In Infinite Loop Of Purchasing, Returning Items From Lord & Taylor

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U.S. Funneling Arms To Dissident Angel Group In Effort To Topple God

U.S. Funneling Arms To Dissident Angel Group In Effort To Topple God

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Gorsuch Nervous About Showering In Front Of Other Supreme Court Justices

Gorsuch Nervous About Showering In Front Of Other Supreme Court Justices

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Mom Figures It About Time To Sit Down Adolescent Daughter And Explain How Weight Watchers Points Work

Mom Figures It About Time To Sit Down Adolescent Daughter And Explain How Weight Watchers Points Work

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

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Historians Discover Thomas Jefferson May Have Secretly Fathered Multiple Other Countries

Historians Discover Thomas Jefferson May Have Secretly Fathered Multiple Other Countries

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Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony

Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony

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Hundreds Of Miniature Sean Hannitys Burst From Roger Ailes’ Corpse

Hundreds Of Miniature Sean Hannitys Burst From Roger Ailes’ Corpse

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Panic Floods Mike Pence’s System Before Realizing Hand On Knee His Own

Panic Floods Mike Pence’s System Before Realizing Hand On Knee His Own

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LeBron James Dances Naked Inside Pentagram Of Black Candles In New Pregame Satanic Ritual

LeBron James Dances Naked Inside Pentagram Of Black Candles In New Pregame Satanic Ritual

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Trump Boys Chasing Wounded Boar Around White House

Trump Boys Chasing Wounded Boar Around White House

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Virginia Shooting Somehow Proves What Every Single American Has Been Saying All Along

Virginia Shooting Somehow Proves What Every Single American Has Been Saying All Along

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Gaunt, Sickly Kirby Takes Leave Of Absence From Video Games Following Stomach Cancer Diagnosis

Gaunt, Sickly Kirby Takes Leave Of Absence From Video Games Following Stomach Cancer Diagnosis

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God Falling Under Influence Of Powerful Spiritual Guru

God Falling Under Influence Of Powerful Spiritual Guru

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‘You Deserve Better Than The Person You’re Dating,’ Reports Little Voice In Back Of Mind

‘You Deserve Better Than The Person You’re Dating,’ Reports Little Voice In Back Of Mind

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American Airlines Admirals Club Installs Two-Way Mirror For Members To Enjoy Misery Of Passengers In Gate Waiting Area

American Airlines Admirals Club Installs Two-Way Mirror For Members To Enjoy Misery Of Passengers In Gate Waiting Area

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76 Million Baby Boomers Abscond To Fiji After Draining Nation’s Social Security, Medicare Accounts

76 Million Baby Boomers Abscond To Fiji After Draining Nation’s Social Security, Medicare Accounts

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New Evidence Suggests Humans May Have Been Dipping Crunchy Things Into Gooey Things Earlier Than Previously Thought

New Evidence Suggests Humans May Have Been Dipping Crunchy Things Into Gooey Things Earlier Than Previously Thought

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Nation’s Middle Class Chillingly Reappears Out Of Nowhere

Nation’s Middle Class Chillingly Reappears Out Of Nowhere

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Taylor Swift Unveils Even Darker Persona With New Single ‘Skullfucking Maggot Shit Boyfriend’

Taylor Swift Unveils Even Darker Persona With New Single ‘Skullfucking Maggot Shit Boyfriend’

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College Freshman Experiences First Tantalizing Taste Of Freedom Waiting In Line At Burrito Station While Parents Find Table

College Freshman Experiences First Tantalizing Taste Of Freedom Waiting In Line At Burrito Station While Parents Find Table

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Stunned Family Watches As Grandmother Wolfs Down Sandwich In 33 Minutes

Stunned Family Watches As Grandmother Wolfs Down Sandwich In 33 Minutes

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Woman Comes Forward With First Allegations Of Biggest Sexual Harassment Scandal Of 2036

Woman Comes Forward With First Allegations Of Biggest Sexual Harassment Scandal Of 2036

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Embarrassed Health Guru Informs Tom Brady He’s Been Mistakenly Following Toxic Diet Regimen

Embarrassed Health Guru Informs Tom Brady He’s Been Mistakenly Following Toxic Diet Regimen

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Presidential Limo Guns It Around Corner In Attempt To Toss Robert Mueller From Roof

Presidential Limo Guns It Around Corner In Attempt To Toss Robert Mueller From Roof

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Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back

Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Fox News Struggling To Attract Younger 60-75 Demographic

Fox News Struggling To Attract Younger 60-75 Demographic

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Man With 3 Kids Going To Make Great Father Someday

Man With 3 Kids Going To Make Great Father Someday

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Al Franken: ‘I’m Deeply Sorry For My Hilarious Actions’

Al Franken: ‘I’m Deeply Sorry For My Hilarious Actions’

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