Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2018

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Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2018

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Mom Hasn’t Said Full, Uninterrupted Sentence To Family Since 1997

Mom Hasn’t Said Full, Uninterrupted Sentence To Family Since 1997

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New Report Finds Adult Film Star May Have Paid Over $130,000 To Cover Up Sexual Encounter With Trump

New Report Finds Adult Film Star May Have Paid Over $130,000 To Cover Up Sexual Encounter With Trump

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Tearful Elon Musk Warns About Dangers Of AI After Having Heart Broken By Beautiful Robotrix

Tearful Elon Musk Warns About Dangers Of AI After Having Heart Broken By Beautiful Robotrix

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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‘It’s Step, Twist, Step, Dammit!’ Yells Leotard-Wearing, Cigarette-Smoking John Kelly While Choreographing Upcoming Military Parade

‘It’s Step, Twist, Step, Dammit!’ Yells Leotard-Wearing, Cigarette-Smoking John Kelly While Choreographing Upcoming Military Parade

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White Supremacist Tired After Long Day Of Interviews With Mainstream News Outlets

White Supremacist Tired After Long Day Of Interviews With Mainstream News Outlets

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Nation Praying For Super Nasty Luge Accident

Nation Praying For Super Nasty Luge Accident

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Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood

Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood

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New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired

New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired

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NRA Ad Director Still Searching For Right Sinister Music To Play Over Footage Of High Schoolers

NRA Ad Director Still Searching For Right Sinister Music To Play Over Footage Of High Schoolers

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‘I Must Make Sure You Have The Skills To Please My Grandson,’ Says Queen Elizabeth Disrobing Before Meghan Markle

‘I Must Make Sure You Have The Skills To Please My Grandson,’ Says Queen Elizabeth Disrobing Before Meghan Markle

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Jeff Bezos Tables Latest Breakthrough Cost-Cutting Idea After Realizing It’s Just Slaves

Jeff Bezos Tables Latest Breakthrough Cost-Cutting Idea After Realizing It’s Just Slaves

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Black Father Gives Son The Talk About Holding Literally Any Object

Black Father Gives Son The Talk About Holding Literally Any Object

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Mike Pompeo Can’t Believe Senate Just Expects He’ll Answer Questions Without Being Tortured First

Mike Pompeo Can’t Believe Senate Just Expects He’ll Answer Questions Without Being Tortured First

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Mom Makes Sure Everyone Has Masturbated Before Long Car Ride

Mom Makes Sure Everyone Has Masturbated Before Long Car Ride

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Friend Dishonorably Discharged From Navigation Duties After Missing Exit

Friend Dishonorably Discharged From Navigation Duties After Missing Exit

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Report Suggests Stalin Was Just One Great Purge Away From Creating Communist Utopia

Report Suggests Stalin Was Just One Great Purge Away From Creating Communist Utopia

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Kanye West: ‘I Would’ve Ridden Away From A Slave Plantation On A Motorcycle First Chance I Got’

Kanye West: ‘I Would’ve Ridden Away From A Slave Plantation On A Motorcycle First Chance I Got’

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Trump Boys Construct Fake Melania For Lonely Father To Spend Time With

Trump Boys Construct Fake Melania For Lonely Father To Spend Time With

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Rain-Soaked Robert Mueller Lets Manafort Surf One Final Monster Wave Before Bringing Him In

Rain-Soaked Robert Mueller Lets Manafort Surf One Final Monster Wave Before Bringing Him In

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Couple Fucking At Next Table Obviously On Third Date

Couple Fucking At Next Table Obviously On Third Date

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Mark Zuckerberg Insists Anyone With Same Skewed Values And Unrelenting Thirst For Power Could Have Made Same Mistakes

Mark Zuckerberg Insists Anyone With Same Skewed Values And Unrelenting Thirst For Power Could Have Made Same Mistakes

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25 Million Onion Social Users Run Into Glorious Flames Of Headquarters In Hopes Of Using Website One Last Time

25 Million Onion Social Users Run Into Glorious Flames Of Headquarters In Hopes Of Using Website One Last Time

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Papa John’s Removes N-Word From Menus

Papa John’s Removes N-Word From Menus

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Bodybuilder Strong, But Now What?

Bodybuilder Strong, But Now What?

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New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day

New ICE Agent Establishes Dominance By Beating Up Biggest Child Prisoner On First Day

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The Onion Proudly Stands With The Media As The Enemy Of The People

The Onion Proudly Stands With The Media As The Enemy Of The People

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Fire Hydrant Blows Load Over Hot Neighborhood Kids

Fire Hydrant Blows Load Over Hot Neighborhood Kids

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University Admits It Pretty Weird They Let Bunch Of 20-Year-Olds Live In Big Mansion And Torture Each Other

University Admits It Pretty Weird They Let Bunch Of 20-Year-Olds Live In Big Mansion And Torture Each Other

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Embarrassed Brett Kavanaugh Can’t Believe He Wore Handmaid Costume On Same Day As Protesters

Embarrassed Brett Kavanaugh Can’t Believe He Wore Handmaid Costume On Same Day As Protesters

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Eiffel Tower Finally Completed

Eiffel Tower Finally Completed

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Pony Anxiously Waiting For Attendant To Flag Large Child As Too Big For Ride

Pony Anxiously Waiting For Attendant To Flag Large Child As Too Big For Ride

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Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna

Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna

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Grandma Amazed By How Fuckable Grandson Has Gotten Since She Saw Him Last

Grandma Amazed By How Fuckable Grandson Has Gotten Since She Saw Him Last

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Jesus Announces Plans To Return Once The Dow Clears 27,000

Jesus Announces Plans To Return Once The Dow Clears 27,000

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HR Director Doesn’t Know What It Is About Her That Makes People Want To Unload All Their Problems

HR Director Doesn’t Know What It Is About Her That Makes People Want To Unload All Their Problems

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

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Nation Admits Being So Coked-Out In ’80s They Have No Memory Of Reading ‘Cujo’

Nation Admits Being So Coked-Out In ’80s They Have No Memory Of Reading ‘Cujo’

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‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave

‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave

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Red Cross Issues Reminder They Can’t Accept Donations From People With Loose Blood Cupped In Hands

Red Cross Issues Reminder They Can’t Accept Donations From People With Loose Blood Cupped In Hands

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Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb

Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb

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