Life is funny sometimes. One day, you're outside enjoying your freedom at the local courts, taking in a nice game of J.V. ladies' basketball, and then – just like that – you get hauled off to court, convicted of some ridiculous crime* and tossed into some rat trap like a common criminal.

Worst of all is that the two candidates still won't give me the time of day.

What of it, Obama and McCain? Too busy going on about bailouts and Russia and God Knows What to talk about the real issues? When are you going to finally speak out against this injustice?

Believe me, this issue is too important to ignore any longer.

It's true: the conditions here are terrible. I currently live in a 7 x 10 windowless tank with poured concrete furniture. The weight rooms are overcrowded, the food is terrible, cable t.v. is only available if you're 'affiliated,' and for some reason there seems to be a horrific act of violence committed on or around 4 p.m. every day.

Where is the outrage?

The last time I saw someone, I told him I didn't do anything wrong, and he just laughed at me and said, "oh, me too, brother." This place reminds me of Shawshank, except that I don't have skills I can turn into favors from my warden, and also there's no hope of escape.

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Why don't Barry and Johnny have the courage to talk about our nation's prisoners? We are 7.2 million strong! We have families and hopes and needs – deep-seated, unquenchable needs – just like the rest of you.

Doesn't anyone care about what happens to me?

I haven't lost my right to vote just yet, gentlemen.

*Statutory rape.

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