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Out-Of-Shape Streaker Ashamed After Cramp Forces Him To Walk Rest Of Way Across Football Field

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Sprinting his way from the stands for a solid 10 seconds at MetLife stadium, out-of-shape streaker Patrick Koehler was reportedly ashamed Sunday after a cramp forced him to walk the rest of the way across the New York Jets football field. “Ow! Ow! Cramp! Cramp! Ow!” said a visibly winded Koehler as the completely naked, 41-year-old, flabby man limped across the 50-yard line clutching his side and shaking his head in shame. “Oh, God, this is embarrassing. I used to be able to streak for miles. I knew I shouldn’t have chugged those three beers before getting out here; I feel like I let everybody down.” At press time, Koehler was sitting in the middle of the field, struggling to catch his breath while calling for the approaching security guards to bring a stretcher.