SANDUSKY, OH—Though reasoning that it was unlikely such a slight indulgence would affect her fetus this late in the term, local pregnant woman Rachel Mandross announced Thursday that she would rather be overly cautious and only ride a roller coaster at Cedar Point amusement park six or seven more times. “I don’t want to be a stick in the mud, but if there’s any chance at all it wouldn’t be good for the baby, I probably shouldn’t spend the rest of the afternoon speeding through all those loops and being jarred around every which way,” said Mandross, adding that if her due date weren’t less than a week away, she’d love to keep racing headlong at nearly 70 miles per hour while pulling up to four G’s and experiencing moments of weightlessness until the park closed. “As boring as it sounds, I may take it easy after these next half dozen runs and stick to the rides where you don’t hang upside down—you know, the ones that don’t have a big harness but just a metal bar that clamps down square on your torso. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but becoming a mother means making important sacrifices.” At press time, Mandross was seen exercising a calming prenatal breathing technique at the top of a 227-foot tower drop.
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This Week's Most Viral News: June 9, 2023