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Overtired 398-Month-Old Throws Tantrum

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LANSING, MI—Appearing tired, agitated, and "a lot fussier than usual," whining 398-month-old Jeff Burnsworth reportedly threw a big tantrum Saturday evening. "The poor guy must be tuckered out," said roommate Andy Northcutt, explaining that the normally well-behaved Burnsworth had skipped his afternoon nap and then gotten "a little wound up" when his friends came over. "He's already had his dinner, so I know it's not that. I think he's probably just ready to be put down for the night." Northcutt added that he planned to sit Briggs on the sofa and put The Departed on, as that always works.