Oysters Have No Discernible Effect On Date

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SEATTLE—According to Justin Grammling, 24, a close inspection of date Karen Stavers, who ate a six-oyster appetizer platter, indicated no marked increase in her libido. "Those things didn't do shit," Grammling said. "She didn't inch closer to me, or play footsie, or take her sweater off. I was keeping an eye on her, and her color didn't even rise." Grammling said he will fall back on Seduction Plan B: alcohol.