JERUSALEM—Coming together for the first time in generations, Palestinian and Israeli citizens were reportedly seen gathered at the West Bank today mocking President Obama’s hopelessly naive speech proposing the possibility of a two-state solution.
According to sources, members of both sides of the longstanding conflict united in fits of laughter and sarcastic applause at what they called an “extremely impractical” and “actually pretty hilarious” address.
“Give me a fucking break,” said Palestinian citizen Hassan Tannous, 42, who, along with Israeli man Dov Eshel, rolled his eyes after Obama claimed that an independent Palestinian state is a viable and sustainable option. “The guy really thinks we’re all going to work out this centuries-old war built on generations of religious and cultural resentment because he said some nice things about both sides—what an idiot.”
“Oh God, and he really looked like he actually believed everything he was saying,” added Tannous, who peacefully joined hands with Israelis and Palestinians and came together to mock Obama’s remarks. “It really was pitiful, and sort of charming in a really simple-minded way.”
Following the address, sources said Israelis and Palestinians spent over two hours standing among one another, reportedly slapping each others’ backs and repeating their favorite parts of the American president’s gullible calls for both sides to negotiate and make hard choices about peace.
Reports also confirmed that both sides exuded a hearty laugh after one of the Israelis mimicked a portion of Obama’s speech in which he described a world where “Jews and Muslims and Christians can live in peace and prosperity in this Holy Land.”
Sources confirmed that during this time not a single mortar shell was fired and not a single innocent civilian was shot.
“I think President Abbas and I can agree that the speech was one of the silliest things we have ever heard,” said Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu, who was flanked by the Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas. “We have come together to announce that there is very little chance of a two-state solution and violence will probably persist, but we both strongly believe that the president was just absolutely adorable up there today.”
“And together, we can make fun of the president much more effectively than if we were apart,” he added.
Sources reported that the unity between the Israelis and Palestinians continued well into the afternoon, when, after the laughter died down and eventually gave way to silence, three suicide bombers ignited their vests and sent everyone scattering back to their sides.