NEWARK, NJ—Following hundreds of reports of strange-colored smears and unpleasant odors, Panasonic issued a product recall Monday on 2 million microwaves that got dirty. “It was never our intention that these microwaves would get splattered with soup and sauces, and for that, we deeply apologize,” said Megan Myungwon Lee, CEO of Panasonic North America, who stated that the recall extended to all devices sold by the company within the past five years that caused countless numbers of customers to become frustrated, disgusted, and even ill. “We’re still not sure how this happened, as every Panasonic product is thoroughly inspected for cleanliness before leaving our factories. This is obviously a glaring error on our part. We have no idea what that red gunk is, so we are asking for your own safety that all customers return these products immediately.” At press time, Lee had resigned in disgrace.