DAYTON, OH—Saying that it made absolutely zero sense for him to squander his paycheck on rent that high, local parents Janet and Greg Tillson told reporters Tuesday that they didn’t understand how their son could spend so much money to live in a place that brought him joy. “Frankly, I don’t understand it at all—why would you want to pay $3,000 a month just so you could experience true, deep happiness where you work and live?” said Janet Tillson, who added that she hated seeing her son lose out on a big chunk of his income just so he could spend his days surrounded by people and things that were fun, interesting, and personally fulfilling. “So what, you’ve got restaurants, bars, theater, friends, community, your job, and a girlfriend, as well as people and activities that give your life meaning every single day. If you moved back home, you could get worse versions of a few of those things for under $1,000 a month. You’d have way more money when you eventually blew your brains out.” At press time, Janet also added that she didn’t understand how people could raise families in big cities, especially when they seemed so happy and fulfilled all the time.
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