Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

CTE has plagued many NFL athletes, and the effects can be devastating in children as well. The Onion asked several parents why they do not allow their kids to play football, and this is what they said.

Advertisement

Daniel Saldana (Contractor)

Daniel Saldana (Contractor)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I’d rather live vicariously through a baseball player.”

Advertisement

Anne Nasser (Nurse)

Anne Nasser (Nurse)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I’ve already compromised his brain’s development enough by homeschooling him.”

Advertisement

Desmond Johnson (Bus Driver)

Desmond Johnson (Bus Driver)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“It’s the only way to ensure they will never have to suffer the miserable fate of being a Detroit Lion someday.”

Advertisement

Clyde Billings (Dentist)

Clyde Billings (Dentist)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I don’t want to spend the next 10 years pretending that I know the rules.”

Advertisement

Dex Trainum (Teacher)

Dex Trainum (Teacher)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“Every parent’s worst fear is that their child will go pro and then decide to run for Senate.”

Advertisement

Lucy Fishman (Therapist)

Lucy Fishman (Therapist)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I don’t want him to be distracted from his duties as equipment manager.”

Advertisement

Samantha Tate (Stylist)

Samantha Tate (Stylist)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“He’s already so ugly, I’d rather he not be concussed as well.”

Advertisement

Adam Parker (Salesman)

Adam Parker (Salesman)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“If anyone’s going to do irreparable damage to my son, it’s going to me, psychologically.”

Advertisement

Phillip Turgeon (Property Manager)

Phillip Turgeon (Property Manager)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“The school’s mascot isn’t racist enough.”

Advertisement

James Brolin (Actor)

James Brolin (Actor)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“It just seems a little late in life for Josh to make such a drastic career change.”

Advertisement

Joseph Sonnefeld (Brick Mason)

Joseph Sonnefeld (Brick Mason)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I think it’s pretty concerning there’s still no rule that says a dog can’t play football.”

Advertisement

Myrtle Welch (Retired)

Myrtle Welch (Retired)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“My son is 54.”

Advertisement

Stacy Wilson (Teacher)

Stacy Wilson (Teacher)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“Honestly, he’s just really, really bad at it.”

Advertisement

Diane Varley (Marketing Executive)

Diane Varley (Marketing Executive)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I’d be too tempted to bet on the games.”

Advertisement

Anna Kilpatrick (Stage Manager)

Anna Kilpatrick (Stage Manager)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“The NFL can downplay it all they want, but studies clearly show the damage football does to everyone else’s Sunday.”

Advertisement

Paul Bland (Aircraft Service Technician)

Paul Bland (Aircraft Service Technician)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I don’t want my kid getting put in a wheelchair for anything less than the Marines.”

Advertisement

Dan Wallace (Mechanic)

Dan Wallace (Mechanic)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I can’t discuss pending litigation.”

Advertisement

Miriam Beach (Bank Teller)

Miriam Beach (Bank Teller)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“I already bought him a gun, so I guess I should pretend to draw a line somewhere.”

Advertisement

Roy Hirsch (Police Officer)

Roy Hirsch (Police Officer)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“My kids can get traumatic brain injuries at home just fine.”

Advertisement

Angel Sosa (Architect)

Angel Sosa (Architect)

Image for article titled Parents Explain Why They Do Not Allow Their Children To Play Football

“We don’t live in the United States.”

Advertisement