Parents Explain Why They Oppose ‘Woke’ Universities

“I don’t want my 18-year-old daughter being exposed to the concept of respect.”

“I feel like I’m not in control of my own life, so I instead try to control others, duh.”

“They’re brainwashing our kids. You send them off happy, normal, and conservative, and they come back educated.”

“I toured a university with my teenage daughter once, and you know what I saw? Beds. That’s right—beds in the dorm rooms for God knows what.”

“There’s no way I’ll let my kid hook up with any professor who isn’t straight and white.”

“I’m not paying $40,000 a year for my kids to unlearn all the hate I painstakingly instilled in them.”

“I attended a ‘woke’ university, and look how insane, angry, impulsive, and dangerous I turned out.”

“My kid can’t take out $200,000 in student loans to get the ‘woke mind virus’ when I’m still $400,000 in the hole for Hustlers U.”

“God gets mad when you spoil all the knowledge He’s going to give you once you die and go to heaven.”

“I don’t want my daughter coming home for break all hoity-toity and thinking she’s too good for racial slurs.”

“I don’t need my kid indoctrinated into these liberal institutions brainwashed with things like ‘facts’ and ‘logic.’”

“I mean, yes, I hate all the wokeness and everything, but either way, I can’t afford it, so all good.”

“I just don’t like the idea of my children learning differential geometry.”

“They’re awarding kids worthless degrees in pointless fields like women’s studies and humanities instead of something actually important like a master of divinity in worship leadership.”

“I wouldn’t be half the doctor I am today had I not spent so much time stitching up the horrific injuries me and my fellow fraternity pledges sustained during hazing.”

“I worry about all of the experiences I had that my son will miss out on because of the university’s insistence on consent.”

“I’d never have graduated early with a job lined up at a top firm if my analytics professor hadn’t groped and subsequently bribed me.”

“They won’t even let you major in homophobia anymore.”

“When my kid inevitably sleeps with her professor, I want him to be unnerving and ghoulish in a conservative way and not unnerving and ghoulish in a liberal way.”