SAN DIEGO—Instructing their confused 4-year-old not to point or stare at the primates at the San Diego Zoo, local parents Jen and Mark Haskell were reportedly forced to explain the thrill of having sex in public to their daughter Wednesday after a pair of monkeys started mating in front of them. “Honey, right now, the mommy monkey and the daddy monkey are making a baby, and they really, really like that we’re watching them,” said mother Jen Haskell, adding that the male monkey, who then proceeded to scream, growl, and mount his female companion, was clearly an exhibitionist who got off on the spectacle of it all. “I know it might not make sense, but deep down, these monkeys want you to laugh, scream, or take pictures of them, because it all plays into their complex psychosexual game. Sometimes, vanilla stuff just isn’t enough for a mommy and daddy monkey anymore, and doing it in front of a crowd of a couple dozen unsuspecting families in a public area is the only thing that will get them to feel true sexual pleasure anymore.” Haskell also explained to her daughter that while it was totally acceptable to explore scat play with a partner, the monkeys were simply throwing their feces because they were stressed.
