HEALY, AK—Huddled behind the brush as he watched the oblivious family of five move about their camp, Denali National Park ranger Edward Hardin slipped a fat fish to a bear and then gestured toward the littering individuals he wanted to have mauled, sources confirmed Friday. “We don’t need any more trouble, if you know what I mean—just make it happen, okay?” said Hardin, who reportedly palmed the 700-pound male grizzly bear a salmon and glowered at the offending group as he clenched in his fist the empty Ruffles bag he had found at their site that morning. “That’s a fresh fish, just caught today, and you’ll get another just like it when the job is done. Try to make it look natural. That way we can tell people they got too close to some cubs. And remember, this stays between you and me.” At press time, reports confirmed a panicking Harding was seen promising the bear a full-grown elk carcass if it agreed to “knock a little sense into” a supervising ranger who had witnessed the whole thing.