Partygoer Rolls A Couple Of Fat Burritos To Pass Around

Illustration for article titled Partygoer Rolls A Couple Of Fat Burritos To Pass Around

EUGENE, OR—According to anonymous sources, guests at the University of Oregon’s Sigma Nu fraternity house Friday rejoiced when fellow party attendee Jeff Lyons unzipped a bag of shredded lettuce, expertly licked the edges of two tortillas, and rolled a couple of fat burritos to pass around. “Yo, sprinkle some cheese on that fatty and pass it this way,” Lyons said before opening his mouth sharply and taking a long pull of pork. “Whoa, I got way too much that time. This one’s totally cashed. Looks like we’ll have to pack another bowl of meat and cheese.” Lyons reportedly told partygoers that if a neighbor smells refried beans and calls the police, they should quickly stomp out the burrito and kick it under the couch.

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