GLENDALE, AZ—Having defeated the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 Sunday night to win Super Bowl XLIX, the New England Patriots reportedly provided an incredible storybook ending to the NFL’s credibility. “Honestly, you couldn’t have scripted it any better in a movie,” said ESPN analyst Adam Schefter, adding that after a year rife with scandal—including high-profile domestic violence cases involving Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson, the league’s ongoing concussion epidemic, and fresh allegations of cheating against New England—seeing the Patriots celebrate a fourth Super Bowl title was a fitting end to the NFL’s integrity. “Given what we’ve seen over the past six months, this is the perfect way—really the only way—for it to finish. Unbelievable.” Sources also confirmed that witnessing a smiling Roger Goodell hand the Lombardi Trophy to Patriots owner Robert Kraft was just the cherry on top after watching the final few seconds of the NFL’s dignity and self-respect tick away.
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