MINNEAPOLIS—Breathing a deep sigh of relief, local driver Rob Glasser was reportedly thankful Friday after confirming the pedestrian he had struck with his car was just dented. “Well, thank God it’s nothing serious,” said Glasser, bending down to examine the small dent on the pedestrian’s forehead, which he noted could not be larger than 3 inches across. “I was worried when I heard that crunch, but honestly, it’s really no damage at all. Who knows, maybe he was already like that before I bumped him. My car looks worse than he does. You could probably take a plunger to that and have it sorted right in a minute. No harm, no foul, I guess.” At press time, sources reported Glasser had left a note pinned to the man and sped off.
Supreme Court: ‘We Wear Gold Crowns Now’