Pennsylvanians Explain Why They Are Voting For Dr. Oz

Pennsylvanians Explain Why They Are Voting For Dr. Oz

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Former television host and current Trump-endorsed Republican candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz is running against Democratic Lt. Gov. John Fetterman in Pennsylvania’s U.S. Senate race. The Onion asked Pennsylvanians why they are voting for Oz, and this is what they said.

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Bob Newton (Firefighter)

Bob Newton (Firefighter)

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“He must be serious about Pennsylvania if he’s willing to pay the $5 toll from his home in Jersey.”

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​Tanya Hirsch (Substitute Teacher)

​Tanya Hirsch (Substitute Teacher)

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“​I want a candidate who won’t let his judgment be clouded by any connection to Pennsylvania.”

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Leonard Masters (Welder)

Leonard Masters (Welder)

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“Slavish, unthinking loyalty to anything Donald Trump does or says, of course.”

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Linda Perez (Database Administrator)

Linda Perez (Database Administrator)

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“I’ve been gullible enough to let him tell me what to eat for a decade, so I can’t stop trusting him now.”

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Kevin Olsen (Security Guard)

Kevin Olsen (Security Guard)

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“His medical advice has killed a couple people I didn’t like.”

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Sean Hardin (Blackjack Dealer)

Sean Hardin (Blackjack Dealer)

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“He said it’s the only surefire way to clear up my eczema.”

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Bruce Anderson (Postal Worker)

Bruce Anderson (Postal Worker)

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“He’ll have less time to harm patients if he’s elected.”

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Randy Jacobs (Unemployed)

Randy Jacobs (Unemployed)

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“I like TV.”

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Mary Martin (Chef)

Mary Martin (Chef)

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“His experience in healthcare and patient mismanagement would fit right in with how the government legislates.”

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Rachel Grayson (Seamstress)

Rachel Grayson (Seamstress)

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“It’s high time we had a senator who appreciates the healing properties of colloidal silver.”

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Lisa Oz (Author)

Lisa Oz (Author)

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“As his wife, it would be unconscionable not to…right?”

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Biko Rodgers (Forklift Driver)

Biko Rodgers (Forklift Driver)

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“If he wins, he’s probably gonna need someone to take over his show.”

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Olivia Nelson (Real Estate Agent)

Olivia Nelson (Real Estate Agent)

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“Ellen wasn’t running.”

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Maureen Sandoval (Botanist)

Maureen Sandoval (Botanist)

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“I can’t in good conscience make anyone return to New Jersey.”

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Levi Walsh (Graphic Designer)

Levi Walsh (Graphic Designer)

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“When I hear him talk, I don’t feel as bad about having no idea what’s going on in Pennsylvania.”

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Vinay Rahman (Electrical Engineer)

Vinay Rahman (Electrical Engineer)

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“My main criterion for anyone running for office is that they have appeared as a guest host on Jeopardy!

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Bobby Hongoltz (Chef)

Bobby Hongoltz (Chef)

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“Fetterman seems like he could kick my ass, and I like knowing I could beat the shit out of all my elected representatives.”

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Jessie Fox (Yoga Teacher)

Jessie Fox (Yoga Teacher)

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“I always vote straight down the quack ticket.”

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Victoria Woodward (Teacher)

Victoria Woodward (Teacher)

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“If I don’t, I’ll never see my family again.”

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