Former television host and current Trump-endorsed Republican candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz is running against Democratic Lt. Gov. John Fetterman in Pennsylvania’s U.S. Senate race. The Onion asked Pennsylvanians why they are voting for Oz, and this is what they said.
“He must be serious about Pennsylvania if he’s willing to pay the $5 toll from his home in Jersey.”
“I want a candidate who won’t let his judgment be clouded by any connection to Pennsylvania.”
“Slavish, unthinking loyalty to anything Donald Trump does or says, of course.”
“I’ve been gullible enough to let him tell me what to eat for a decade, so I can’t stop trusting him now.”
“His medical advice has killed a couple people I didn’t like.”
“He said it’s the only surefire way to clear up my eczema.”
“He’ll have less time to harm patients if he’s elected.”
“I like TV.”
“His experience in healthcare and patient mismanagement would fit right in with how the government legislates.”
“It’s high time we had a senator who appreciates the healing properties of colloidal silver.”
“As his wife, it would be unconscionable not to…right?”
“If he wins, he’s probably gonna need someone to take over his show.”
“Ellen wasn’t running.”
“I can’t in good conscience make anyone return to New Jersey.”
“When I hear him talk, I don’t feel as bad about having no idea what’s going on in Pennsylvania.”
“My main criterion for anyone running for office is that they have appeared as a guest host on Jeopardy!”
“Fetterman seems like he could kick my ass, and I like knowing I could beat the shit out of all my elected representatives.”
“I always vote straight down the quack ticket.”
“If I don’t, I’ll never see my family again.”