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Pentagon Warns U.S. That They Had Scary Dream About China

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WASHINGTON—Still trembling after the “startlingly lifelike” nightmare, Pentagon officials warned the nation Friday that they had a scary dream about China. “China was chasing us, and they had a knife,” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, who suggested that the rival superpower could be more of an imminent threat than previously believed after the “super freaky” experience left officials drenched in sweat and “too scared to even go down the hallway for a glass of water.” “We tried to run as fast as we could, but it was right there over our shoulder, laughing, and it had fangs! China tried to bite us! It was like China, but it wasn’t China, do you know what I mean? I know it doesn’t sound that scary, but trust me. It was so bad.” At press time, Austin sheepishly added that Pentagon officials had had a wet dream about Taiwan.