Perfectly Good Dead Body Cremated

Illustration for article titled Perfectly Good Dead Body Cremated

JACKSON, MS—Squandering the fresh and largely intact remains for no apparent reason whatsoever, sources reported Monday that a perfectly good body was cremated. “It’s a shame to see a nice corpse like this go to waste,” said mortician Ron Vidal, placing into the cremation chamber what he thought, despite missing a few teeth and light bruising here and there, was a body that was “practically good as new.” “There’s still a lot you can do with this, and they just want to incinerate it like some piece of garbage. And once it’s burned up, what good will it be to anyone? I guess people are willing to get rid of anything these days.” At press time, the now-useless ashes were just taking up space in an urn.