NEW YORK—Saying he could vouch for the quality of every one of his company’s products, Eli Lilly pharmaceutical sales representative Geoffrey Klein reportedly assured a local primary care physician Thursday that he personally tries every single drug he promotes. “I’ve sampled each one of these, from the statins to the protease inhibitors, and I can honestly tell you that they’re all top-notch,” said Klein, adding that he only had positive things to say after trying out the osteoporosis medication Evista and the diabetes treatment Humulin. “Look, I popped a 100-milligram Seconal tablet a few hours ago before I came here, and I have to say, so far so good. And that one for pediatric growth disorders does a bang-up job. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” At press time, Klein reportedly admitted that he had tried Bristol-Myers Squibb’s cancer drug Sprycel and was underwhelmed.