FT. WORTH, TX—Calling it the ideal accent piece for safeguarding one’s property, Pier 1 Imports unveiled Wednesday a new self-defense vase for smashing on the head of a home invader. “This new dappled blue vase with a gloss finish is designed to shatter upon contact with the skull of any intruder that tries to break into your home,” said spokeswoman Madeline Newland, explaining that it was the perfect decor item for an end table near the front door, bedroom window, or any other area of the house where someone might attempt to illegally enter. “The narrow design makes it easy to grip even with trembling hands, and the sturdy 3-pound body is certain to incapacitate even the brawniest of trespassers—there’s no need to sacrifice elegant design and craftsmanship to protect your family from a robber or potential murderer.” Newland added that the Etruscan-inspired vase is an excellent accompaniment to the Pasha heirloom security runner that can be used to roll up the intruder’s body once his head has been bashed in.
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