NEWINGTON, NH—In an effort to reduce the amount of self-consciousness some members experience, gym chain Planet Fitness on Friday announced a new lights-off hour so no one can watch you work out. “During the hour of 5-6 p.m., all Planet Fitness centers will be dimmed almost to the point of total darkness so that everyone can exercise while avoiding the judgmental stares of people around them,” said spokesperson Gabe Eaton, explaining that all of their over 1,300 locations would, at the scheduled hour, promptly shut off all the lights and lower blackout shades over the windows, creating a near-impenetrable blackness in which members can confidently lift the lightest dumbbells using completely inappropriate form. “No one will be able to see well enough to look down on you, which means you no longer have to feel ashamed to work up an embarrassing amount of sweat while walking on a treadmill at a low speed and no incline. Likewise, nobody else will know that you wandered away from a weight machine because you couldn’t figure out how it worked and were slightly worried you’d break it.” Eaton went on to say that music would remain at normal levels, which means other members will still be able to hear you wheezing after two minutes on an elliptical.


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