Plot To Murder Justin Bieber Foiled

Two men have been accused of planning to capture teen pop sensation Justin Bieber at a recent concert, strangle him to death with a paisley tie, and possibly castrate him, a plot allegedly masterminded by a 45-year-old jailed New Mexico rapist and murderer with a tattoo of Bieber on his leg. What do you think?

“Hey, that was my idea!”

Daisuke Koyama • Unemployed

“Yeah, I felt the same way after Bieber changed his hairstyle, but you know what? I think I’ve grown to like the new hairstyle even more than the original.”

Kay Rifkin • Game-Bird Farmer

“How’d they get tickets?!”

Tobias Hightower • Radar Mechanic


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