Here are some helpful tips to reduce the risk of poisoning and know what to do in case it occurs:
- Poison always comes in amber-colored bottles clearly marked with a skull-and-crossbones icon and the word "DANGER." If a substance is not in this type of bottle, it is safe to drink or huff.
- For lower-body snakebites, immediately suck the poison out through the victim's penis. Spit out the deadly, milky-white venom and repeat as necessary.
- Most household cleansers are harmful or fatal if swallowed. Learn to live in filth.
- If bleach is swallowed, induce vomiting immediately with nude Judge Judy Internet pics.
- Set aside a special blue set of coffee mugs as your "poison-only" drinkware.
- If an ingested poison is flammable, spit out over open flame for awesome fireball effect.
- Tell your children in no uncertain terms that poison is magical potion only for adults.
- If dueling an arch-rival with poison-tipped swords, have a dying soliloquy prepared in advance, just in case.
- If bitten by a poisonous animal, such as a scorpion, wasp, or water moccasin, gradually evolve a natural resistance.
- If an acid is accidentally swallowed, neutralize with bass-heavy solution like Dr. Dre 2001.
- Many substances, once fatal if ingested, now have effective antidotes. Treat yourself to a refreshing, ice-cold glass of methyl ethyl ketone today.
- If you have young children, avoid purchasing bleach products bearing pictures of Pikachu drinking the bleach.
- To avoid a potentially fatal case of arsenic poisoning, do not accept invitations from lonely old ladies to take tea in their parlors.
- Avoid Snake Island at all costs.