In a huge blow for Pokémon devotees everywhere, Game Freak revealed this week that the upcoming Pokemon Sword and Shield will not include the National Sex Offender Registry that for so long has been a quintessential part of the game experience.
Needless to say, fans are up in arms about losing the crucial ability to know exactly which Pokémon Center employees and Gym Leaders in the Galar Region have a serious past of indecent exposure, molestation, or soliciting child pornography.
“One of my favorite parts of past games has always been starting out in my house and having a few locals knock on my door to inform me that they had committed Tier I offenses of sexual deviancy and reside at such-and-such address,” said Minneapolis Pokémon fan Jessica Winesberg, one of thousands of fans who have voiced their outrage that the new release would also be stripped of iconic features such as the “Pedophile Free Zone” signs around in-game schools, libraries, and public parks. “Frankly, it’s an insult to fans to strip out this feature. Plus, how else am I supposed to keep my trainer safe from these creeps if I don’t have access to the Galar Sex Offender Registry? Every cave or forest I step into for a battle could have a potential pervert lying in wait.”
“Now, I’m just going to assume that any characters I meet in my quest might have run up to a playground full of children and flashed them,” she added.
While Game Freak has defended themselves by saying that the Switch wasn’t up to the graphical demands of rendering every sexual deviant in the Pokédex, that hasn’t stopped infuriated diehard fans from launching a social media campaign with the hashtag #PokéSexRegistry urging the developers to reconsider their choice. Clearly, gamers are not taking kindly to the developer’s suggestion that tracking down the Sword and Shield’s 150 perverts and weirdos throughout the world will be half the fun.
Thankfully, no matter how much Game Freak changes in the game, they confirmed that series fans should stay clear of Sugar Cane Isle, a location where 13% of the game’s serial offenders apparently live in a supportive Christian community aimed at rehabilitating those with a past of sexual degeneracy.