MIDDLEBOROUGH, MA—Responding to an emergency call Tuesday from a victim of domestic violence, local police placed Cindy Tarnes, 37, under arrest for tattling on her abuser. “An officer arrived at the scene of what appeared to be an aggravated assault, where he informed Ms. Tarnes that she was being taken into custody on the basis of nobody liking a tattletale,” said police spokesperson Sgt. Greg Hornby, who sought to assure the public that authorities were taking the matter very seriously and remained committed to cracking down on spoilsports, especially the ones who went and snitched on someone in their own family. “You can’t have any fun with a person like that around, someone who will call the police the moment you violate your restraining order or cause them serious bodily injury. And this was her own husband she was blabbing about! What a loudmouth.” The spokesperson went on to ask how Tarnes would have liked it if her husband had tattled on her for doing whatever it was she did to deserve getting smacked around like that in the first place.