‘Nothing To Worry About,’ Officials Say

Illustration for article titled Police Assure Residents Kidnapping Was Only One Of Those Custody-Related Ones

PORTAGE, IN—Saying it barely counted as an abduction at all, officials from the Portage Police Department assured residents that a reported kidnapping Tuesday morning was just one of those custody-related ones. “While three young children are indeed missing from their home and their whereabouts are unknown, we’d like the public to know there’s no need to be alarmed, as this is merely an instance where a frustrated dad refused to return the kids to their mother at the end of the visitation weekend—that’s it,” said Police Chief Dexter Reynolds, adding that, while the father did drive the children across state lines before informing his ex-wife during an angry phone call that they would be living with him permanently, this isn’t one of those situations where the kids are in danger of being murdered or locked in a basement for three months. “Everybody can relax. This guy’s just a resentful father, not some sort of pedophile or serial kidnapper. Nobody’s getting molested. He definitely committed a crime and we will apprehend him, but honestly, the kids are probably fine.” Reynolds went on to say that he regretted causing such a stir with the Amber Alert.


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