Police Say Dead Homeless Individual Threatened Them With Weapon As Far As You Know

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LOS ANGELES—Reminding the public that they weren’t there so there’s no way for them to tell what happened, the LA County Sheriff’s Department announced Wednesday that a recent officer-involved shooting had occurred after a homeless individual had threatened them with a weapon, as far as you know. “After responding to a call in the area, we’re going to go ahead and say that officers were confronted by an aggressive homeless man who advanced on them with a knife,” said assistant sheriff Thomas Jones, telling reporters that they should use the phrase “the officers only discharged their weapons after repeatedly telling the individual to freeze.” “The incident, while unfortunate, was unavoidable, is basically the story that we’re presenting, and there’s not really any way that you can contradict us. The officers on the scene jotted it down in their little books and everything—and let me hasten to add that the deceased individual was most likely deranged or on drugs or something and probably didn’t have any family, so you really just don’t need to worry about it at all.” Jones cautioned that any video evidence that may come to light featured misleading and blurry footage at an odd angle that failed to show the full extent of the confrontation.