NEW YORK—Telling reporters that the department was doing everything it could to search for answers, the NYPD confirmed Thursday that it was still investigating what occurred between an officer discharging his weapon and a suspect’s head exploding. “What we know is that officers on the scene had an interaction with an African American individual that led one of them to fire his gun, and then some time later, the individual’s head came clean off his body in a way that would be consistent with damage from a projectile,” said Police Commissioner Dermot Shea, noting that an internal investigative team was still trying to piece together what occurred in those crucial milliseconds after the gun went off but before the suspect’s skull completely shattered. “Unfortunately, statements from the dozens of eye witnesses and the three officers on the scene have thus far proven inconclusive. While the perp appears to have been completely unarmed at the time of his head exploding, we can report with certainty that the individual in question had been picked up several times in the past for suspicion of marijuana possession.” Shea added that due to malfunctioning body cameras, they were unlikely to ever fully solve the mystery of how the deceased suspect’s body came to have an additional 15 rounds fired into it.
More from The Onion