Politicians Explain Why They Support Child Poverty

“No practical reason. It simply pleases me.”

“I need something to frown at from inside my limo.”

“You see innocent children, I see an exorbitant waste of funds.”

“It’s the only social factor I can think of that would force kids to sell their bodies.”

“I resent the characterization of my total indifference as support.”

“How else would they learn the value of a Robux?”

“Would someone who doesn’t care about child poverty run a state where a majority of the workforce is third-graders?”

“Hungry children make more obedient soldiers.”

“How are parents supposed to get their kids to behave without the specter of poverty and deprivation to scare them straight?”

“Kids need to learn how to write manually, and doing it on a cardboard sign is the best way to learn.”

“Kids are just going to use a tax credit to buy drugs.”

“You need some scrawny, scrappier kids to fit in some of those tighter mineshafts.”

“Children are little adults, and all adults deserve to suffer.”

“My collegiate football record is 105-53, that’s why.”

“I like the boys scrappy, hungry, and unable to afford legal representation.”

“I want my children to grow up in a country where they always have poor kids to look down on.”

“If that’s objectionable, I’m happy to consider other forms of childhood suffering.”

“I grew up poor, allegedly, and I turned out fine.”

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