11/07/12 9:00AM
Sources say the screaming orb might be the only potential candidate that would tap into Republicans' deep-seated,…
Obama Years
11/06/12 5:30PM
Our polling experts weigh in on the terrifyingly infinite number of possible election outcomes.
11/06/12 12:27PM
How to avoid all of the miserable status updates, photos, and video posts from your most obnoxious Facebook friends…
11/06/12 9:30AM
Paul Ryan is spending the final day of the campaign doing what he loves–reminding America's downtrodden that…
11/01/12 12:48PM
America's roommates have launched a grassroots campaign to spread the message that one person can't make a…
11/01/12 11:55AM
Full Report at 2 p.m. EDT/1 p.m. CDT
10/30/12 1:00PM
Record turnout is expected at the polls thanks to a groundbreaking new voting booth that lets Americans violently…
10/30/12 12:00PM
New interactive, violent voting machines expected to boost turnout on Election Day. Full report at 2:00 p.m.…
10/25/12 12:11PM
Americans talk directly to the candidates in the first test of ONN's amazing, 100% safe DemocraKiosk booths.
10/24/12 2:00PM
No more waiting in long lines just to have your vote thrown away! A new app makes it easier than ever for minorities…
10/23/12 2:00PM
Voters can't wait to show Obama and Romney the pointless talents that make America great.
10/18/12 1:00PM
BREAKING: Analysts are scrambling to determine what leaked searches like "Blood child, blood on the child" and "must…
10/15/12 2:30PM
The Onion profiles key battleground state Florida, known for being a state that can go either way. For instance, in…
10/08/12 1:05PM
Ohio figures to once again be a key battleground state. The Onion presents its profile of the swing state that…
10/02/12 12:15PM
Your pathetic, statistically meaningless vote is more important than ever this year. To help you make the right…
9/24/12 2:14PM
Election Day is fast approaching. To help you prepare, here now is The Onion's in-depth voter's guide to Democratic…
9/12/12 10:17AM
Mandatory Viewing For All Americans
8/21/12 12:00PM
Tampa Bay gay sex workers say they plan to rake in the cash sucking off secretly gay Republican politicians during…
8/13/12 11:00PM
In an attempt to court the youth vote, Obama will star in the full-length Judd Apatow comedy "Commander In Steve"…
8/06/12 11:00PM
Republicans are reminding seniors to take their blood pressure medication, hoping they won't die before voting on…