PoliticsFederal Government Announces They’ve Hidden Briefcase Full Of Slavery Reparations Somewhere In Continental U.S.
PoliticsReport: Government Shutdown Could Imperil Hundreds Of Americans Currently At Top Of Federally Funded Ferris WheelsWASHINGTON—Warning about the grave fallout should Republicans and Democrats fail to find common ground in negotiations, a report released Thursday by the Congressional Budget Office found that a government shutdown could imperil hundreds of…
PoliticsDNC Concerned After Poll Shows Only 15% Of Americans Have Heard Name Joe BidenWASHINGTON—Spelling trouble ahead of the 2024 election, Democratic National Committee officials were reportedly concerned Monday after a new poll showed that only 15% of Americans have heard of the name Joe Biden. “A full 85% of American voters just…
PoliticsSnickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For President
PoliticsZelensky Grabs Whatever Office Supplies He Can Get Hands On In Capitol, Saying He Needs It For War
PoliticsPolitics‘A Clue!’ Exclaims Kevin McCarthy After Finding Footprints That Match Biden’s ShoesWASHINGTON—Crouching down with a large magnifying glass to his eye, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy reportedly…PublishedSeptember 15, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsRepublicans Explain Why Speaker McCarthy Must Be OustedDespite Kevin McCarthy’s attempts to placate the far-right flank of his party, relations are strained between the…PublishedSeptember 15, 2023
PoliticsInfographicPoliticsInfographicPros And Cons Of Impeaching Joe BidenHouse Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) called for a formal impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden for corruption…PublishedSeptember 14, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsAide Pulls Several Wet Pages Of Bill Out Of Dianne Feinstein’s MouthWASHINGTON—Trying to dislodge the saliva-covered documents without tearing them on the senator’s teeth, Senate aide…PublishedSeptember 8, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsBiden Attempts To Ease Worries About His Age With Dramatic Face LiftWASHINGTON—Amid startled screams and gasps as the 46th commander in chief addressed the country, President Joe Biden…PublishedSeptember 7, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsConservatives Explain Why Fulton County DA Fani Willis Should Be ImpeachedGeorgia Republicans are furious after Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis indicted former President Donald…PublishedSeptember 5, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsRepublicans Urge Americans To Look Away From McConnell Or Else They Too Shall FreezeWASHINGTON—Following the second press conference in five weeks during which the 81-year-old was temporarily unable…PublishedAugust 31, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsTim Scott Beckons To Campaign Rally Attendee He Wants To Bring Backstage To FuckGREENVILLE, SC—Amid raucous, uproarious applause at the end of a stump speech, presidential hopeful Sen. Tim Scott…PublishedAugust 31, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsBiden Warns Zelensky If He Can’t Win War, U.S. Will Overthrow Him With Someone Who WillWASHINGTON—Telling his counterpart that he was losing patience with the stalled counteroffensive, President Joe…PublishedAugust 31, 2023
PoliticsInfographicPoliticsInfographicPresidential Candidate Profile: Vivek RamaswamyFormer biotech executive Vivek Ramaswamy has recently been placing third in polls for the 2024 Republican…PublishedAugust 31, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsDemocrats Respond To Jacksonville Shooting With Proposal To Remove Black People From CirculationWASHINGTON—Following a Jacksonville, FL mass shooting in which a white assailant killed three African Americans,…PublishedAugust 28, 2023
PoliticsPoliticsBody Language Expert Explains All Republican Debate Participants Just Finished Having Sex With Each OtherMILWAUKEE—Analyzing the behavior on display during Wednesday night’s Republican presidential debate, a body language…PublishedAugust 24, 2023