WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Friday by the Pew Research Center, 23 percent of Americans would vote for Jeb Bush in the presidential election if the Republican candidate was standing directly beside them in the voting booth. “We surveyed over a thousand likely voters and found that nearly a quarter were inclined to cast a ballot for Jeb Bush in 2016, provided the candidate was in the same cramped booth silently watching them,” said Pew spokesman Michael Barker, who noted that an additional 12 percent of respondents described themselves as “likely” Bush voters should the former Florida governor be waiting for them when they parted the booth’s curtains and then proceed to stand close enough behind them that they could feel his warm breath on their neck as they voted. “It has to be encouraging for the Bush campaign that almost four in 10 Americans would choose Jeb for president if he simply stood there occasionally clearing his throat, making eye contact, or repeatedly whimpering ‘please’ within the close confines of a balloting booth.” The poll also showed that the remaining 60 percent of U.S. voters would support Jeb Bush in the general election in the event he physically grabbed their hand and forcibly marked the ballot.
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