The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

PublishedMarch 13, 2023

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Start Slideshow

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

2 / 77

Bold New Pope Shows Crowd In Saint Peter’s Square How To Apply Condom

Bold New Pope Shows Crowd In Saint Peter’s Square How To Apply Condom

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

3 / 77

Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition

Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

4 / 77

Stunned St. Peter’s Square Crowd Overhears Pope Francis Getting Bitched Out By God

Stunned St. Peter’s Square Crowd Overhears Pope Francis Getting Bitched Out By God

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

5 / 77

Gay Couple Weirded Out By Pope Francis Standing In Back Of Wedding Ceremony

Gay Couple Weirded Out By Pope Francis Standing In Back Of Wedding Ceremony

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

6 / 77

Pope Francis Pursues Sinner Across Vatican City Rooftops

Pope Francis Pursues Sinner Across Vatican City Rooftops

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

7 / 77

Pope Rummaging Through Vatican Basement For Plastic Nativity Scene Figures

Pope Rummaging Through Vatican Basement For Plastic Nativity Scene Figures

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

8 / 77

Pope Nervous For Annual Performance Review With God

Pope Nervous For Annual Performance Review With God

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

9 / 77

Pope Francis Recalls Starting Out At Some Real Shithole Churches

Pope Francis Recalls Starting Out At Some Real Shithole Churches

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

10 / 77

Pope Francis Grills Burgers On Balcony Of St. Peter’s Basilica

Pope Francis Grills Burgers On Balcony Of St. Peter’s Basilica

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

11 / 77

Pope Cleans Up Dead Angel Who Flew Into Sistine Chapel Window

Pope Cleans Up Dead Angel Who Flew Into Sistine Chapel Window

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

12 / 77

Pope Leaves Detailed Instructions For Taking Care Of Holy Spirit While He Out Of Town

Pope Leaves Detailed Instructions For Taking Care Of Holy Spirit While He Out Of Town

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

13 / 77

Pope Francis Reverses Position On Capitalism After Seeing Wide Variety Of American Oreos

Pope Francis Reverses Position On Capitalism After Seeing Wide Variety Of American Oreos

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

14 / 77

Pope Francis Packs Swimming Vestments Just In Case There Pool At Hotel

Pope Francis Packs Swimming Vestments Just In Case There Pool At Hotel

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

15 / 77

Pope Francis Lays Hands On Ailing U.S. Infrastructure

Pope Francis Lays Hands On Ailing U.S. Infrastructure

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

16 / 77

Horrified Pope Calls Philadelphia Humanity’s Greatest Sin Against God

Horrified Pope Calls Philadelphia Humanity’s Greatest Sin Against God

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

17 / 77

Pope Francis Delivers Eucharist Philly Style

Pope Francis Delivers Eucharist Philly Style

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

18 / 77

Pope Francis Clarifies That God Just One Of Many Immortal Beings Who Speak To Him Every Day

Pope Francis Clarifies That God Just One Of Many Immortal Beings Who Speak To Him Every Day

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

19 / 77

Pope Francis Wearing Sweater Vestments He Got For Christmas

Pope Francis Wearing Sweater Vestments He Got For Christmas

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

20 / 77

Pope Francis Trains For Easter Mass By Dragging Pew Loaded With Rocks Across Snow

Pope Francis Trains For Easter Mass By Dragging Pew Loaded With Rocks Across Snow

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

21 / 77

Pope Francis Worried About Job Security After Butting Heads With New God

Pope Francis Worried About Job Security After Butting Heads With New God

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

22 / 77

Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis

Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

23 / 77

Pope Francis Beats Confession Out Of Uncooperative Catholic

Pope Francis Beats Confession Out Of Uncooperative Catholic

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

24 / 77

Pope Francis Warns Catholics This Not Good Time To Bother God

Pope Francis Warns Catholics This Not Good Time To Bother God

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

25 / 77

Pope Francis Crushes Small Demon Crawling Across Papal Apartment Floor

Pope Francis Crushes Small Demon Crawling Across Papal Apartment Floor

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

26 / 77

Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

27 / 77

Pope Francis Wears Miter With Faceshield To Comply With New Vatican Safety Measures

Pope Francis Wears Miter With Faceshield To Comply With New Vatican Safety Measures

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

28 / 77

Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

29 / 77

Pope Francis Sneaks Leftovers To False God Moloch At Back Door Of St. Peter’s Basilica

Pope Francis Sneaks Leftovers To False God Moloch At Back Door Of St. Peter’s Basilica

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

30 / 77

Pope Francis Spotted Sunbathing Nude In St. Peter’s Square

Pope Francis Spotted Sunbathing Nude In St. Peter’s Square

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

31 / 77

Pope Francis Concerned About Infection From Holy Spirit Bite

Pope Francis Concerned About Infection From Holy Spirit Bite

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

32 / 77

Pope Francis Rides Into St. Peter’s Square On Giant Glowing Lamb For Easter Mass

Pope Francis Rides Into St. Peter’s Square On Giant Glowing Lamb For Easter Mass

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

33 / 77

Pope Francis Scouring Papal Tombs For Final Easter Egg Of Vatican Hunt

Pope Francis Scouring Papal Tombs For Final Easter Egg Of Vatican Hunt

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

34 / 77

Pope Francis Buys Knockoff Chalice At Store In Vatican City Chinatown

Pope Francis Buys Knockoff Chalice At Store In Vatican City Chinatown

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

35 / 77

Pope Francis Admits God Really Starting To Look Old

Pope Francis Admits God Really Starting To Look Old

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

36 / 77

Pope Beatifies God In Important Step Toward Sainthood

Pope Beatifies God In Important Step Toward Sainthood

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

37 / 77

Pope Francis Pardons Those Who Dodged The Draft During Crusades

Pope Francis Pardons Those Who Dodged The Draft During Crusades

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

38 / 77

Pope Francis Finds Self In Hell After Taking Wrong Turn In Vatican Catacombs

Pope Francis Finds Self In Hell After Taking Wrong Turn In Vatican Catacombs

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

39 / 77

Pope Francis Asks Congregation If It’s Okay If They Do A Low-Key Easter This Year

Pope Francis Asks Congregation If It’s Okay If They Do A Low-Key Easter This Year

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

40 / 77

Pope Francis Admits ‘Like 97%’ Of Past Church Leadership ‘Probably Burning In Hell’

Pope Francis Admits ‘Like 97%’ Of Past Church Leadership ‘Probably Burning In Hell’

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

41 / 77

Pope Francis Hastily Condemns Capital Punishment After Vatican Police Announce New Evidence Found In 2014 Stabbing

Pope Francis Hastily Condemns Capital Punishment After Vatican Police Announce New Evidence Found In 2014 Stabbing

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

42 / 77

Report: Statistically Speaking There’s Decent Chance Pope Francis Molested Someone

Report: Statistically Speaking There’s Decent Chance Pope Francis Molested Someone

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

43 / 77

Vatican On Sex Abuse Report: ‘Listen, No Normal Person Is Going To Sign Up To Be A Priest’

Vatican On Sex Abuse Report: ‘Listen, No Normal Person Is Going To Sign Up To Be A Priest’

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

44 / 77

Pope Starting To Suspect Bishops Getting Huge Erections During Meeting On Child Sexual Abuse Might Be Pedophiles

Pope Starting To Suspect Bishops Getting Huge Erections During Meeting On Child Sexual Abuse Might Be Pedophiles

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

45 / 77

Pope Francis On Vatican Abuse Scandal: ‘Just Tell Me Whose Feet To Wash’

Pope Francis On Vatican Abuse Scandal: ‘Just Tell Me Whose Feet To Wash’

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

46 / 77

Pope Francis Renounces Papacy After Falling In Love With Beautiful American Divorcee

Pope Francis Renounces Papacy After Falling In Love With Beautiful American Divorcee

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

47 / 77

‘Take This Grape For It Is The Witch’s Eye, Take This Spaghetti For It Is The Witch’s Brain,’ Says Pope Francis During Halloween-Themed Communion

‘Take This Grape For It Is The Witch’s Eye, Take This Spaghetti For It Is The Witch’s Brain,’ Says Pope Francis During Halloween-Themed Communion

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

48 / 77

Ecstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant

Ecstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

49 / 77

Pope Francis: ‘Jesus—I Get Molesting Kids, But Nuns Too?’

Pope Francis: ‘Jesus—I Get Molesting Kids, But Nuns Too?’

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

50 / 77

Pope Spends Afternoon Filling In Glory Holes All Over St. Peter’s Basilica

Pope Spends Afternoon Filling In Glory Holes All Over St. Peter’s Basilica

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

51 / 77

Pope Breaks Ice At Clergy Abuse Summit By Having Everyone Go Around And Say How Many Kids They Molested

Pope Breaks Ice At Clergy Abuse Summit By Having Everyone Go Around And Say How Many Kids They Molested

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

52 / 77

Pope Francis Offers Molested Kids 10% Off At Vatican City Gift Shop

Pope Francis Offers Molested Kids 10% Off At Vatican City Gift Shop

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

53 / 77

Pope Francis Working Out At Vatican Gym Wearing ‘Sex Abuse Summit 2019’ T-Shirt

Pope Francis Working Out At Vatican Gym Wearing ‘Sex Abuse Summit 2019’ T-Shirt

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

54 / 77

Catholic Church Not About To Be Out-Molested By Goddamn Boy Scouts

Catholic Church Not About To Be Out-Molested By Goddamn Boy Scouts

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

55 / 77

Catholic Leaders Transfer Most Alluring Children To Another Church

Catholic Leaders Transfer Most Alluring Children To Another Church

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

56 / 77

Pope Francis Tells Sinner Risky Experimental Sacrament Only Thing Capable Of Saving Him

Pope Francis Tells Sinner Risky Experimental Sacrament Only Thing Capable Of Saving Him

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

57 / 77

Vatican Forced To Revoke Dozens Of Sainthoods After Discovering Miracles Performed With Eldritch Magic

Vatican Forced To Revoke Dozens Of Sainthoods After Discovering Miracles Performed With Eldritch Magic

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

58 / 77

Pope Francis Teaches Parishioners Dangers Of Sinning By Showing Them Cross Section Of Black, Desiccated Soul

Pope Francis Teaches Parishioners Dangers Of Sinning By Showing Them Cross Section Of Black, Desiccated Soul

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

59 / 77

Pope Francis Attempts To Compromise On Rule-Change Proposals By Allowing Priests To Marry Him

Pope Francis Attempts To Compromise On Rule-Change Proposals By Allowing Priests To Marry Him

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

60 / 77

Pope Francis Urges Priests To Refrain From Molesting Children Over Coronavirus Fears

Pope Francis Urges Priests To Refrain From Molesting Children Over Coronavirus Fears

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

61 / 77

Pope Francis Finally Close To Finishing Bible

Pope Francis Finally Close To Finishing Bible

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

62 / 77

Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day

Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

63 / 77

Pope Francis Gets Self Thrown Into Hell As Part Of Plot To Take Down High-Level Demon Ring

Pope Francis Gets Self Thrown Into Hell As Part Of Plot To Take Down High-Level Demon Ring

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

64 / 77

Scrambling Vatican Quickly Establishes Child Molestation As New Sacrament

Scrambling Vatican Quickly Establishes Child Molestation As New Sacrament

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

65 / 77

Pope Francis Urges World To Give ‘The Newsroom’ Another Chance

Pope Francis Urges World To Give ‘The Newsroom’ Another Chance

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

66 / 77

Pope Francis Bags 6-Winged Trophy Angel During Vatican’s Annual Seraphim Hunt

Pope Francis Bags 6-Winged Trophy Angel During Vatican’s Annual Seraphim Hunt

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

67 / 77

Pope Francis Warns Seals On Jesus’ Tomb Are Weakening

Pope Francis Warns Seals On Jesus’ Tomb Are Weakening

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

68 / 77

Pope Francis Kept Up By Drunk Cardinal Arguing With Girlfriend In St. Peter’s Square

Pope Francis Kept Up By Drunk Cardinal Arguing With Girlfriend In St. Peter’s Square

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

69 / 77

Pope Francis Served Eucharist Jell-O While Recovering From Surgery

Pope Francis Served Eucharist Jell-O While Recovering From Surgery

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

70 / 77

Pope Francis Holds Mass With Giant Ape Bishop Of Skull Island

Pope Francis Holds Mass With Giant Ape Bishop Of Skull Island

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

71 / 77

‘The Onion’ Accidentally Sent Our Sex Columnist To Interview The Pope

‘The Onion’ Accidentally Sent Our Sex Columnist To Interview The Pope

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

72 / 77

Pope Quietly Moves God To Different Universe After Deity Caught Molesting Altar Boy

Pope Quietly Moves God To Different Universe After Deity Caught Molesting Altar Boy

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

73 / 77

Pope Francis Using New Treadmill Altar To Add More Physical Activity To Workday

Pope Francis Using New Treadmill Altar To Add More Physical Activity To Workday

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

74 / 77

Pope Francis Urges World To Respect Every Person’s Beliefs About Pizza Toppings

Pope Francis Urges World To Respect Every Person’s Beliefs About Pizza Toppings

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

75 / 77

Bumbling American Tourist Visiting Vatican Accidentally Breaks Pope

Bumbling American Tourist Visiting Vatican Accidentally Breaks Pope

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

Previous Slide

Next Slide

76 / 77

Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks

Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks

Image for article titled The Onion Looks Back At Pope Francis’ First 10 Years At A Dead End Job

Advertisement

77 / 77