THIRD CIRCLE, HELL—Claiming that going deep undercover within the adversary’s organization was the only way to destroy the nefarious horde of fiends, Pope Francis reportedly had himself thrown into Hell Wednesday as part of a coordinated attempt to take down a high-level demon ring. “Sometimes the only way out is through,” said the pontiff shortly before stabbing a sodomite with a concealed blade that he had smuggled in from Limbo in an effort to be placed into an even deeper circle and gain the respect and confidence of high-ranking demon bosses. “It took a minute for them to trust me, especially with my background. I know the street-level guys, the flashy ones, everyone does. Still, all the rank-and-file imps were pretty tight-lipped about which hellspawn were actually running the operation. But ever since I stopped Belphegor from eating some tainted brimstone at one of those big family dinners they love so damn much, they seem to think I’m okay.” At press time, Pope Francis reportedly expressed concerns that he may have gotten in too deep after finishing a scuffle in a popular Second Circle hangout by curb stomping the damned soul of Pope Boniface VIII.
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